MFP and Scale Break

These next two weeks I will cease thinking in utilitarian terms and allow for some personal indulgences. Like yoga and aimless walks.

No calorie-counting or weigh-ins for the next fourteen days. Neither are things I want to be doing for the rest of my life. 

No checking success stories or before-and-afters.

I will be checking this blog, though: http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/.

Time to refocus. 🙂

this is not a fish

slowly unwinding in this moment (or the one that passed by just now)

with this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucGBLprfDBU

and the realization that I can text my high school ex for music recs and expect him to respond

(though he did not rec this song; he’d never)

sometimes hearts need to be surprised, too. It keeps them healthy.

maybe the body getting sick is a way of saying, “Look at me.”

sick again! :(

I felt the onset of a cold and ended up tossing down Emergen-C and Nyquil like nobody’s business – so right now I’m just numb. I’ve been numb and stupid all day, sleeping sixteen or so hours. Hard to tell if the cold has slowly creeped away (“this girl’s nuts yo”) or it’s just crouching tigering me.

Now I want to go back to sleep.

Better

I didn’t realize until tonight that I hadn’t felt tired the entire day. It’s probably because I slept seven hours last night. 🙂

Working out was a typical half-hour affair. Exercise ADHD is definitely on full-blast.

Studying is kind of chill? Which worries me. But not enough that I’ll do something about it.

Lower back a little better. This is the longest I can recall it lasting though. Normally it goes away after a week, but it’s been about two.

I always feel like I have more stuff to write about than I actually do, yikes. Why is that?

• Lower back pain for the past 1.5 weeks. I guess it’s never really going to go away, huh.
• Deteriorating quality of workouts. I feel so weak and tired these days. 😦 and it’s not because I’m not eating enough! I am.
• I think my relationship with food has taken a turn for the worse this year–these last few months, to be exact. I’ve definitely become more obsessive, and part of it is simply because I don’t have much else going on. I have been studying since January. 😦
• I’m at the point where tracking food has become mandatory but also kind of a chore. Also kind of instinctive. I don’t know.

a heart attack

• After work, the scale read 125.6.
• I fit into a skirt that I couldn’t zip sixteen days ago. That I was going to return today!

getting closer

• Finished going through the material for August exam; time for review!
• This afternoon I finally broke into the 126s on my new scale 😀 1.3 pounds away from GW2!
• I’m eating oatmeal now, and it seems to be helping to curb my appetite a little. Today I finished everything by 10 am, snacked a bit on dark chocolate throughout the day, and then came home for dinner at 6:30. So basically I eat two meals now: one at 9 and another at 6. Each meal’s about 500-600 calories. Snacks add up to 400-500. 
• Tried shirataki noodles for dinner today and they are extremely filling. I mean, they seem to expand in your stomach or something. I can still feel them an hour later. Which is not even necessarily a good thing, as I want to be able to work out later!
• I’m downloading Recovery Record, an app that helps you monitor the emotions surrounding your eating.

Recipes

I’ve been eating a lot of calorically dense but not filling foods and within a few hours of my day beginning I’m already 900 cals down! Argh!

today is a sad day

having nothing to do with weight or exercise. I am okay on all that right now.

I made the mistake of reading some of my older stories and the comments on them. I know, I need to focus right now, and when I’m focused I lose sight of everything else. I need that right now. But somehow it hurts to regain that peripheral vision, because by then the view’s changed and some things may have disappeared. That’s how it always is.

I don’t miss the nasty parts of my two-year fandom stint, but I miss being able to feel freely about things that didn’t matter in the larger scheme of the world, the economy, how I feed myself. It’s not okay anymore. I can’t just blow three hours writing stupid shit because it’s satisfying. That sort of satisfaction is short-lived and depends so heavily on validation from your readers. I mean, that’s a whole other mess. But besides that, THERE IS NO TIME. There is no SPACE. I need to just study and work out and eat under 1500 calories. There is no room for anything else, and there won’t be until after November. Even then. There will always be another exam.

No no no no no I’m not going down that train of thought again.

back to basins

I’ve been on a one-month plateau and it looks like my weight’s finally maybe on the downhill again?! Maybe?

Is it because I stopped binge-eating chocolate? (Yesterday I had one Lindt white chocolate truffle and half a Klondike bar. The day before, I had a small red velvet cupcake without the frosting.)

Or because I’ve been avoiding alcohol? (Friday night I drank ice water at an open vodbar bar.)

Or I’ve switched up my workouts? (Added in some yoga, trying a new bodyweight routine, curious about pilates)

Or the previous romantic-falling-out-induced depression has pretty much subsided? (Thanks, makeup tutorials and retail therapy :D)

As of this morning 1.5 pounds away from GW2.