listening to Chris Brown ugh

I always throw myself wholeheartedly into a new hobby in, it’s become increasingly apparent, a poorly disguised attempt to distract from the important things. Things I should be really working towards like advancing in my career, writing/reading, and meeting people. Instead I choose solitary activities that require either little brain power or are possible to succeed at without depending on others. Weight loss has a lot to do with everything, so I can’t square it away in one category, but it does overlap with the latter. I guess I am frustrated because success is still so, so far away, and I wonder if it’s even possible anymore. Which then begs the question:

what exactly can I do?

I know it is a silly, that I am young, that there are ample opportunities out there that I just haven’t been looking for. But I’ve always been one to give up at the thought of failure. I am lazy and afraid. Mostly afraid. I don’t think I am all that lazy. Take tonight’s workout, for instance. I’d been eating all day (family barbeque) and decided, finally, to head to the basement for some P90X. Once I got there, it was so hot I couldn’t go past 15 min of plyo. But that wasn’t the real reason. I just didn’t think it was worth it. I can’t convince myself that exercise is worth it right now.

Okay stopping because this is going along a downward spiral of negativity.


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