sequel

The downward spiral continues. I’ve been overeating (sweets) and it’s 100% emotional. I know it, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. I have to solve the root problems first — and I can’t, right now. They’re too deeply rooted.

Had a bit of a breakdown today, cried for a long time. Texted people, who helped. I am still trying to figure my shit out. What I need to be doing with my life so that I don’t feel like this every now and then. Or maybe it’s the lack of exercise that’s allowing this relapse of mild depression (how else to categorize these chronic feelings of sadness and hopelessness?). I was at my best when I was working out regularly. The basement was taken yesterday so I couldn’t do anything with weights. Did some bodyweight exercises while “watching” the Heat/Thunder game. Sorry, couldn’t give a f— about non-Knicks teams still. 😦

I know this: everything feels more complicated when you’re already upset. And sometimes you need to be upset to understand hope again. I know this, and it doesn’t change a thing until I get there.

I need to have faith in myself, not only in my ability to do things but in the fact that I can learn to do new things. That if I lose or quit my current job, abandon this path altogether, I am capable of forging a better alternative for myself. The thing is, I have done little to deserve this self-respect. 

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