First day

Tomorrow I will be starting on Synthroid, a medication for patients with hypothyroidism. It’s kind of scary. I’ve been looking up side effects online, and some people have experienced things like severe weight gain (contrary to what you’d believe!), memory loss, acne, etc.

So I’d heard of this condition before, and I vaguely remember googling it years ago and thinking, “Hey, this sounds very familiar,” but so does a ton of other medical conditions, you know? They’re practically horoscopes. The only reason I found out that I had a sluggish thyroid was that lately I’d been getting random chest pains, on the subway and at work, and I thought it was probably time to get my annual checkup. It’s not that I’m afraid of doctors or hospitals (I find them kind of soothing at times?!) but doctors have done so little for me in the past that I just don’t expect anything anymore. I’ve suspected not being “fine” for the longest, but all my problems have been just minor enough to escape unnoticed or something. So it came as kind of a surprise when Dr. Han called me into her office and went through my blood results one by one and told me I had a variety of issues, some of which could be treated and others she was going to ignore for the moment until they became more severe.

Some of the symptoms of hypothyroidism include constantly being cold or having cold hands and feet, chronic fatigue, inability to lose weight, depression, brittle nails and hair, and dry skin–pretty much everything I’ve had for a while, some for basically ever. 

(Sorry, I haven’t written in a while, so this might feel disjointed!)

I went for my second acupuncture session this Friday after the doctor appointment and my acupuncturist told me that she believed she could help with more natural remedies as an alternative to taking medication. I wish I knew who to trust and what the best for my body really is. Agh, it’s so hard.

And when I found out, the first thing, no joke, that came to mind was, “So that’s why!” I mean, I always say I can’t lose weight, even when I was eating raw and really “healthy,” even when I worked out every day, because what results I did see were always slight, but at the end of the day it felt like I was just playing the blame game and looking for an easy way out. Like, not getting skinnier? Obviously I’m just too lazy/need to push harder. But maybe there’s something more than that. Maybe the fact that I can’t lose all this fat isn’t 100% correlated with some deeply ingrained character flaw. I don’t know! From reading all these posts from people with hypothyroidism who are on meds and still gaining, I had the strong sense that, man, this just isn’t easy for everyone. Some people have it harder than others, and that’s just how it is. Some people have to work twice as much for half the result, if that.

I wish there were some real answers.

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